Thoughts at 3 months

As I look through pictures of these last 3 months, time seems like it slowed down. It seems like a lifetime ago when I didn't have a child. Yet, in those same pictures I wonder when did my baby get so BIG?
I know, he really isn't that old or big quite yet, but from that (kinda) small 8 lb baby to this now (at least) 13 lbs one, and those 5 pounds make a huge difference!

Nothing can prepare you for parenthood. I mean nothing. You can read all the books, observe every family, and take every class yet you will STILL not be prepared.
Truth be told I did not read any books and only took one class, a delivery one, and lets face it the delivery is the easiest part of parenthood, so I'm not going to even pretend I was somewhat prepared.
Early on I felt guilty and ungrateful. Guilty for not "loving" the whole experience of being a mother. I didn't get to go out to do the simply things, I felt dirty, I was tired, no, I was exhausted, and this baby always cried. I was isolated from the world, I didn't even get to go outside most days. Not only was I not "loving" this I actually hated this. I began to realized this was going to be SO SO much harder than I ever thought. I think women do not talk about the lonely-ness of becoming a mother. How could I be the only person on this planet to feel this way? Was I depressed, yeah, maybe I was, but I was reasonable. All babies are different, I was a colic-y baby so, God Bless my mother, I screamed bloody murder for the first 3 months of my life, its a wonder why my parents had anymore. My baby was did not have colic but he did cry a lot. He hardly slept(misconception with babies sleeping all the time) and I could never put him down, to this day he still won't sit in his swing. My husband works a lot so it was up to me to take care of this baby.
But Guess what?! I survived the first 3 months or rather he survived! He is changing at a rapid pace and I love him with my whole heart. Not to say I ever didn't, of course I did, but that goes on the back burner with just trying to keep yourself and baby alive.
He smiles and laughs and talks to me now, hey, he even lets me put him down of a minute now so I can get some things done with him awake.
With Facebook and blogs and instagram, I think people forget that these are just tid bits of peoples lives, we are not all perfect and half the time people are lying when they confess a wonderful beautiful life that they lead. It's misleading and inaccurate.  We all have struggles and whomever told you being a parent is wonderful and just kind of hard is misinforming you. I just roll my eyes at those, cause it's hard, really really hard, and I solute each and every one of you mothers and fathers out there who are honest with their struggles.

Here is my booger today, goodness I love him so. He's getting ready to crawl, I swear, what three month old crawls?

xo jess